Thursday, June 26, 2014

Pay The Fucking Teachers - a rant

I posted this on facebook.  It got a lot of "likes".  It got even more "shares".  The current market value for Wes Borg's "Shares" and "Likes" is… let's see… carry the zero… uh huh…. that's $0.00 per.  I'm gonna get rich.  Those things are way overdue for a surge!
Anyway, here's the rant.  Someone should probably check my math, I didn't do too well in that class.
A rare (I promise) and unsolicited rant from this particular comedian:

Pay the fucking teachers. Shut the fuck up and pay them a lot of money. 
Don't hesitate. Don't argue. Just suck it up and give the fucking teachers whatever they fucking want.
An educated public commits less crime, makes more money, and has a lower birth rate. They probably even fucking swear less often.
Education is the magic fucking bullet to get us out of the economic, political and environmental shitstorm we are about to be swimming in. 
Education is not just the magic fucking bullet, it's our ONLY fucking bullet.
There are currently 7 billion people on this planet. 
In the year 2000, there were 6 billion. 
That's a BILLION extra people since Destiny's Child was a thing. 
Wrap your fucking mind around that one. 
During Beyoncé's career, from "Bootylicious" to "Drunk in Love", the world's population increased by over 16%. (Don't blame Beyoncé, she's just trying to entertain the nice people with her music and titties.)
Oh, and the oceans are about to start rising, flooding cities and wiping out entire fucking islands over the next 50 years. It's going to happen, and we have NO IDEA how to even just SLOW IT DOWN.
So we are about to have way too many people living on less and less land.
How the FUCK do you think that's gonna work out?!
Oh, and we're almost out of oil.
Now obviously "the rich are going to move to the higher ground" (Geoff Berner) and start shooting anyone who comes near the compound, and religious fanatics are going to say it's God's Will or some other stupid shit, but the only hope for the rest of us is that the kids growing up today get fucking smart, fucking fast.
We need the best fucking teachers we can find and we need to fucking give them whatever they fucking want. 
If teachers want oral sex every thursday at lunch, we need to make that happen. 
I'm willing to volunteer for a couple shifts a month.
If they want top hats and velvet gowns and fucking tiaras we need to find the fucking money and give it to them. 
Even if some teachers are shitty - and some of them are - at least they're showing up every day trying to make apathetic little Jimmy capable of filling out a fucking job application at Burger Hut so that maybe he can buy a shitty car and get laid instead of robbing me the night he doesn't graduate.
Hey, at least it's something. And it's a metric shit-tonne more than most of us are doing.
People don't become teachers to get rich for fuck's sake. 
Do you know a rich teacher? Have you ever seen a teacher who owns a boat?
People become teachers because they genuinely WANT to do that shitty shitty job. 
They actually WANT to teach your darling little fucked up, lazy, video game addicts at least SOME of the knowledge humans have managed to gather over the last 200 000 fucking years.
And if you don't have kids, well then the next time you're out and you see a little 5 year old on a swing, you just imagine him stealing your car in 10 years. 
You want that? 
Well then do you wanna teach all the little potential juvenile delinquents in your neighbourhood grammar and Newton's fucking Laws of Motion? You know… the laws that helped us figure out how to get to the FUCKING MOON back when we gave a shit about doing that.
Do you wanna teach that complicated, important, boring shit to a bunch of snot-nosed, disaffected children?
Because if you do, I guarantee that if you don't get a decent wage, small class sizes, a winter break and 2 months off in the summer you will put a bullet through your own fucking head.

Postscript.  Some lady named Karla Brunt has copied and pasted the above rant to facebook as her own.  Got 5000 shares and counting.  My response is here.


Wes Borg is a Canadian comedian, playwright and musician from Edmonton, best known as a member of the comedy troupe Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie. Borg now resides in Victoria, British Columbia.  You can hear more of his hilarity by buying his album on CDBaby or iTunes


  1. YEAH! dare i say: FUCK YEAH!

  2. Every teacher on the line was lovin this one, thanks for speakin up for us!

  3. I think I will wear my velvet gown and tiara to picket tomorrow. Thanks for the laugh.

  4. To the BCTF folks reading this rant: You've got the rest of the teachers in this country rooting for you, and some of them (yay ETFO!) may have your back in more material ways. Keep up the good fight, and wear tiaras on the picket line, please. :)

  5. Thanks, Wes! I retired after 39 years of teaching public high school and junior high school. I loved/hated my job. I made it to retirement with all of my teeth and no holes in my hide, Yeah! I couldn't leave it alone though. After one year away, I went back to teaching in college, part time, a bit easier on the nerves. Money? Not much, not as much as I made in the public school system. Money is for the chancellors and presidents. That's why they have to charge ridiculous tuition fees! Still love my job, still get a real bang out of helping people. Thanks for the rant. Loved it.

  6. I totally know a teacher who owns a boat. I don't think that shit is paid for, though. Maybe it is.

  7. Wow!! Good thing we have educated people to make these kinds of decisions! All of you simpletons who want to give them everything they are asking for should take a basic economics course, it would really help you understand how the real world actually works. Or maybe you can all just pool your money together and give it to them. I for one don't volunteer to have my taxes increased just to pay the greedy, ever-increasing demands of this militant union.

    If teaching was such a horrible gig then we wouldn't have thousands and thousands of unemployed teachers who decided to get into teaching knowing full well that there is a serious over-supply in BC. The reason they do? Great pay, generous benefits, summers off, and a pension plan that most of us can only dream of. And still, every time their contract is up they always want you people seriously think that they will ever stop this endless game of shutting down our schools because our fiscally responsible government won't give in to their greed? They are so entitled that they actually believe they deserve a bigger raise than the rest of the public sector!! We should just pull a Ronald Reagan, and only hire back the teachers who are actually in it for the kids and are happy to accept the already generous pay and perks. Enough of this constant greed!! Oh but I forgot, it's all about the kids right?

    1. Hehehe. You are an even better comedian than Wes! You were trying to be funny, weren't you?

    2. Ms. Beadie....

      Every single teacher I have spoken to has told me that a raise would be nice, but that the real issue is coping with a mixed class of ESL and special needs students. All this with hacked budgets for books and other classroom materials. If you want to focus your scrutiny - then perhaps point it towards the Translink bimbos and the government's constant need to raid institutions like ICBC for their "General Revenue" addictions..

    3. Something that should be noted - right before all this began, our wonderful, fiscally responsible government gave themselves an 18% pay raise.....then expected the people who are largely responsible for shaping our children's minds a 10% cut in pay.....seems legit I guess

  8. Oh Ella, I though you were serious until I got to the fiscally responsible government part. Your a doll, you almost had me ;)

    1. You read my mind. "fiscally responsible government", my ass. Not when they rob the profits of ICBC and Hydro just to fuel the General Revenue gravy train.

  9. How about paying us for every day the legislature is not in session?

  10. Thanks Wes! I think Thursdays may become the new TGI Fridays ;)

  11. Oh Ella, Ella, Ella...someone slept through her poli sci classes and missed the lessons on critical thinking. Come aboard, doll, and be sure to bring your rose colored glasses.

  12. Dont get mad thinking I am anti teacher, this is a business prospective, not an emotional one....The BCTF needs to accept any deal and fast. The Province has all the power and whatever is settled will never be recouped by the BCTF for all these days sitting at home. BUT, make the term of the deal end a few months before the next scheduled election. That is when the BCTF will be able to hold some power. Right now the government is years away from an election and every day the teachers sit at home is one more day they can not pay for their mortgages and loans. The Premier and Minister and Lawyers are all getting their pay cheques, they have no pain in this process. The only way to effect change will be in the threat of an upcoming election.... Suck this one up. Lose and lose bad but play the next one a whole heck of a lot smarter.

  13. Hi Wes! Great blog entry on paying teachers more money. I was re-watching "Internet Help Desk" a few nights ago, and I was wondering if you would be interested in updating your 2002 version of "Internet Help Desk" to 2015? It was a lot of fun hearing phrases like...Windows 3.1, 'Netscape', AOL, modems and ADSL modem, iMacs, etc.

  14. Hi Wes! No, we've never met. I had the opportunity today to point my Facebook friends to "Every OS Sucks" and so I enjoyed the heck out of it, for the nth time. You gave me a lot of happiness there. I played 'Welcome to the Internet Helpdesk,' too. Love the teacher rant. Yes. Just pay 'em. Make sure they've got everything they need. Sorry to hear about the loss of Joe. You make a difference, man!